you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
