i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
