she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
