He asked to "fluff my boner.."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
