grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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