I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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