"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
