I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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