Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
