i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dear god my vagina.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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