Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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