i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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