Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
