Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
