You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
