Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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