She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's official drugs can't kill me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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