Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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