i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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