What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
