a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
