the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
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