It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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