wanna go halves on a baby?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
