im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She bit a glass in half.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize