So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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