Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
