no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
