Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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