Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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