Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
