I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
