didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
