just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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