First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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