time to smoke my breakfast
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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