Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
