I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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