Someone shit on the floor
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
