i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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