Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
