I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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