so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
only if we run a train.
done.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
