Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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