she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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