bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize