Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
