I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
