definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
