yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
