My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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