I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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