physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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