Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
