did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize