Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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