So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
