You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
