I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
