On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
