If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
