before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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