Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im six kinds of drunk right now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
