I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
