I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
