Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How external is "for external use only"?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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