goodnight i made you a song goodbye
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
