I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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