So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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