yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
