I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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