the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So many bounce houses so little time
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
